Parting (With a Pacifier) is Such Sweet Sorrow

                                Josie with her favorite NUK pacifier

One of the most terrifying moments in a parent's life happened. The moment you dread, brainstorm about, have nightmares about, bite your nails down to nothing over. We made the decision to permanently remove our daughter's pacifier from her sweet little face.

"Uhhhh, yeah!" you're thinking, right? She is three after all.

When she was about two and three-quarters, we talked about ditching the wasa (her nickname for the pacifier, stolen from her older cousins). We didn't come up with a definite plan, but we discussed it. Two days later, I took the girls to Old Navy to fill in a couple tiny holes in their wardrobe, and Josie had a complete meltdown. I'm still not sure why. But thank all that is holy that I happened to have her pacifier in my bag, and that solved the problem. And simultaneously fueled the fire of that other problem -- the child that is too old to have a pacifier and her complete and utter dependence on it.

To our credit, we had been pretty good about not allowing it unless it was naptime or bedtime, or in situations where Josie was just straight up beside herself with melodramatic tears/grief. The latter occurred only infrequently. Old Navy was one of those, but even the fact that I had her pacifier with me was kind of an anomaly. A very lucky one.

But we realized in that annoying, maturing parents way that we had to literally pull the plug. We hadn't committed to a date though. One night at bedtime, we couldn't find the wasa and Josie was a little unhappy about it, but she was still holding out hope it would turn up. I really couldn't find it. I was waiting for a freak-out. Instead, she climbed into bed, still sort of wondering if I would recover it but overall very accepting. I was taken aback. Stunned, even.

(I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, "oh ok, so she used this opportunity to break away from the pacifier!" WELL NO.)

Right as I picked up the blanket off the floor to tuck her in, the wasa fell out and onto the floor. I looked at it. I looked at her. I looked at it. I looked at her.

She didn't see it.

(You: "Oh, ok HERE is where she kicks it under the bed casually and says, 'goodnight, darling!'" WELL NO AGAIN.)

Friends, I am not sure what happened, but almost in an out-of-body experience, I reached down, grabbed the pacifier AND HANDED IT TO HER. I don't know why I did it. It was like I was the one that was feeling panicked about her not having the pacifier. I think I felt bad for her or something. I'm not really sure. But I handed the frigging thing to her, kissed her goodnight, then came out to the couch and wondered what the hell I was thinking.

Long story short, I decided that I had to right that wrong, so the next night I claimed we couldn't find it. I wasn't even sure I was going to stick with that story, I think it depended on her reaction. She whined, but I explained that it was ok because she was three now. She whined some more, so I added that there was a baby that lost her pacifier and she was crying, and since Josie was such a big girl, we gave the baby hers. She actually kind of came around to that idea... she didn't like it and she did protest, but I think she could relate to that concept. That said, she did wake up crying over the next few days, but the crying got less and less as each day passed. The last couple nights there has been no crying.

I can't believe we waited so long! Once in a while she will ask for it, but she quickly remembers the situation and says, "no wasa for Josie." Overall we are very VERY pleased.

Let me state for the record that I am not a fan of forcing the situation if your child is very young and genuinely reliant on the pacifier. I have read where some parents want to get rid of the pacifier as young as 3 months! My personal feeling is that it exists for a reason -- to comfort and soothe the baby, and I don't see any benefit in forcing them to part with something that makes them feel better. Having said that, in our case, Josie was now three and had certainly developed other methods for soothing herself, she was just falling into old habits by using the pacifier, and we were letting her. Developmentally, she truly didn't need it anymore, so we knew it was time. That time will be different for each child and family. I realize we are kind of late to the party, but Josie has done everything late and I am a huge proponent of letting kids be kids and not rushing them into the next phase of development.

If you think your child is ready to break free, here are some other ideas for pitching the paci:

• Poke a tiny pinhole in the nipple. This reduces the appeal of sucking on the pacifier and may make your child lose interest. But make it a tiny pinhole people... you don't want the thing to start breaking apart and cause a choking hazard.


• Trading up. The idea is that your kiddo chooses a toy to trade his/her pacifier in for.


• Binky Fairy. Same idea as trading up, but complimented with an elaborate story of babies who are in desperate need of pacifiers. The Binky Fairy takes the pacifier for the babies and leaves a small token of her appreciation under the pillow or somewhere in the bedroom, along with a note of thanks.


• Wean your child off the pacifier. Reduce the time he/she can use it a little bit at a time until they pretty much don't have it at all, then take it away fully.

A few things to note: if your child is talking with a pacifier in his or her mouth regularly, put a stop to that. If it happens regularly, it can actually change your child's speech, both by reducing the amount of verbal communication produced and by changing the mechanics of how he or she produces letter sounds, creating a possible defect when the pacifier is not in the mouth. Additionally, if your child is chewing on the pacifier, time to take it away. Josie had actually begun to chew little holes at the base of the nipple, creating a choking hazard. Lastly, that fact about pacifiers giving your child "buck teeth?" A myth! The prevailing opinion from pediatric dentists nowadays is that unless the pacifier is used to excess, it does not change the position of the teeth nor does it affect the palate. Typical bedtime/naptime pacifier use will not have a negative affect on your child's teeth or bite.

Here is a link to an article on taking away the pacifier with some helpful tips for those struggling with it. Good luck!